Raeann Blake (Author)

Ramblings from Raeann

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Random musings

I’m Alive!

Posted by Raeann Blake (Author) on July 4, 2019

No, I’m not dead yet. But it has been a rough 2 or 3 years. I think they’ve settled on a new regimen for my medications and for now it’s helping a lot. At least I’m here writing this and that’s a BIG first step. I haven’t felt like even talking to anybody for so long as those who have messaged me and got no response can attest. I’m sorry. Most days it seems like just battling with the depression demons takes up all of my time and all of my energy. For the last few days, a full month since they made the last changes, I actually felt like doing something. I even ASKED the hubby for us to get out and go somewhere. That’s HUGE.

On the other hand, I’ve been here before and I know not to expect it to last. I hope it will. I believe in myself that I can do it. But lessons learned tell me not to make promises I don’t know if I can keep. It’s been so long since I wrote or edited anything that I’m starting over on the edit of Casey. Hopefully I get through it this time and off to my editor so I can finally get it to all of you.

You guys are the best. Thank you for hanging in here with me. I couldn’t write all of those days, but I thought about all of you every single day. I hope you keep hanging around and I wish you happy reading of all those other fantastic authors out there until we can get rocking and rolling here.



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Merry Christmas!

Posted by Raeann Blake (Author) on December 16, 2016

Merry ChristmasI know, I know. Thirty lashes with a wet noodle. I know I have just about abandoned you. I feel awful for saying that this has not been a good year when I’m blessed to be here at all, but… it has not been a good year. Too many issues that overwhelm even though I know there are millions of people that would be grateful for a fraction of what I have. My bad for being down.

I wish I had news to share about Casey but I really don’t. I am finding it difficult to concentrate on rewriting it. I have just about to decide that it’s not supposed to be rewritten. Maybe I should just edit it as it is and let it go. God knows we’re not all perfect. Maybe my characters shouldn’t be either. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I am so grateful for all of you and how steadfastly loyal you have all been through all of these delays and setbacks. I want to wish each and every one of you the most Merry Christmas ever. May each day be filled with all of the love, joy and blessings that you deserve.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year… and, as always, Happy Reading!


Posted in Just Stuff | 5 Comments »

Two years post transplant – TOMMY is coming soon

Posted by Raeann Blake (Author) on January 22, 2016

Coming SoonWow! It has been a while, hasn’t it? Almost 2 years since my transplant now. Things have mostly been good. A lot of highs, but also some horrendous lows. Depression plus anxiety plus the finally diagnosed akathisia has not been fun as we experimented with first one combination of medications to another in an effort to control all three that would work with all of my transplant medications. That part hasn’t been fun for any of us… even the crazy dog, I’m sure. I’m hopeful that we have found the right combination now as the last few days have finally felt normal again. So it’s back to the everyday life, for now at least. Thank God! I could use some ‘normal.’

And now for more good news. ‘TOMMY’ is almost ready for publication. We are going through the last proof read right now. The files for the covers are done. The magnets and bookmarks have already been ordered. AND The sample is up on the website for you to preview. We should have an actual release day for you soon, but it will definitely be in February!

I know you have all waited so long as I struggled through the various health issues. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate both the encouragement I have received from you and the loyalty you have all shown. I will try very hard not to let you down.

And just so you will know, you should start seeing the books coming much quicker now. My full-time day job unfortunately just went part-time, so on top of being better both mentally and physically, I also suddenly have more time to work on the books. Yeah! Maybe it’s time to turn my home office into my writing den now that it gets used part-time for the day job. Could be.

I hope you will enjoy ‘TOMMY’ as much as you have the others. Be sure to watch for that February release date to be announced soon.

Happy Reading,

Posted in Books, Just Stuff, The Seven Brothers of Elko | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »


Posted by Raeann Blake (Author) on May 5, 2014

Well, hello there! Good to see you here. Good to see ME here. It has now been 100 days since my transplant and I have to admit that I am amazed at the difference 100 days makes. I can’t say that it has been easy because it certainly has not been. There were setbacks that required hospital stays and several more that did not. These served to slow down my progress and make me question the wisdom of my decision to go through with the surgery more than once. I had many days where I was so disappointed in what I saw as not doing as well as I should even though the medical professionals were telling me how unusual my rapid progress really was. What I heard was “blah, blah, blah.”

But here I am now. I feel better than I have felt in two years. I’m walking (usually). I’m driving again. We’re back on the bike (YEAH.) Before you know it, I might even get to go back to work at the day job early. No oxygen. No breathing treatments. Graduated from Pulmonary Rehab. Only have to go to Dallas once a month for the rest of this year. Not dancing yet, but you never know. The rest of my body might be old, but my lungs aren’t. One of the hardest things I have tried to learn is quite simple. I don’t have COPD anymore. I very often forget that I don’t have to take certain precautions that I had to take before. But in their place I have new rules, regulations, and precautions as a transplant recipient. It’s very strange. But looking at this list, I surely don’t see much to complain about.

blogdifference This is me when I sort of “fell off the cliff” in January 2013 and became suddenly and unexpectedly in very serious condition and another one taken this week. I have to admit this is the first time since I can remember that I can look in the mirror and see a shadow of “healthy” beginning to return to my face. Of course I also see some of the 40 pounds I have gained. Granted, I badly needed 20, but not 40. My next task is to lose the other 20 pounds.

And I am so glad to be back working on the books again. I can’t work as much as before right now. I am still recuperating and I have remind myself of that daily. Well, technically my body reminds me when I forget. I have a tendency to push too hard and do too much. I can do more and more every day but just not quite back to normal yet. At any rate, “Michael – The Seven Brothers of Elko: Book Three” is currently being put through the final paces. Last round of editing, then over to the proofreader and he will be ready to go. Hopefully during May, surely by June.

In the meantime, Taming Clay just turned 2. To celebrate that, all four of my current books will be going on sale for $0.99 for two days, followed by $1.99 for two days before they go back to the normal price. If you want to purchase a copy for a friend or you have friends you think might like to buy one or all, give them a heads up that it’s coming. I’ll let you know soon what the dates will be.

I am so grateful to all of you for the support you have given me. You have no idea what your messages of encouragement and prayers have meant and how much they helped. My family, my friends, my readers, and followers from Twitter and Facebook… each and every one of you kept me going. I had some really low days that I had to get through. You helped me get through them. Just to know I had so many people behind me, propping me up until I could get my feet under me again, lifted my spirits more than I could ever explain. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

GeezOh and for those who worried about me being alone at the hospital so much, not to worry. “Geez”, my wolf mascot given to me by my daughter, was with me every step of the way with his own face mask and everything. (Thank God they didn’t make me put him in a gown and gloves.)

So for now I will call it a day. I hope you each have a wonderful evening and an even better day tomorrow.

Happy Reading


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Posted by Raeann Blake (Author) on February 15, 2014

recoveryI know I’ve been gone a long time. Back in January, I had an acute exacerbation of my COPD. I spent a few days in ICU for the first time in my life and then a few more in a regular room for a total of 10 days. I got out late on the 24th of January and finally got home about 6:30 that night.

Man, it was great to be at home. Cuddled with the crazy dog for a bit, drank a little coffee (decaf) and just chilled with the hubby for a while. Then it was bed at 9:30 for a much anticipated night in my own bed. Until…

The phone rang at 11:30 PM, just a mere 2 hours later. It was one of the doctors at UT Southwestern.

“I think we have a set of lungs. Get up, get dressed and standby.”

Talk about caught off guard. I was supposed to come off the list temporarily to give me time to recuperate from the exacerbation. So we certainly were not expecting that call. Second, I didn’t know what to think or what to feel. I was nervous, pacing the floor, trembling even. To give it one name… terrified.

Thirty minutes later the second call came. “Come to the hospital.”

I know she said more, but I don’t think I heard her. Now everything kicked into high gear, including the level of my terror. I was so scared I don’t even remember part of the trip there.

I won’t bore you with the blow by blow of everything that transpired. The fact is I don’t remember several days of it. I vaguely remember a few individual moments or events here or there in ICU. Especially my husband rescuing me by insisting that they get the #@%^*) BIPAP off of me. It was naturally a very tough time, one of the toughest I have ever faced. I ran more than one poor therapist or others out of the room when I just couldn’t take any more. And from what I’m told it was most definitely not always nicely. I think I might have embarrassed the husband a time or two and that’s tough to do.

Before I knew it they were all expressing their surprise at how rapidly I was progressing. That expected 4-6 week stay turned into 2 weeks. I think that was due in part to how well I was doing and, even though I was in isolation with a now suppressed immune system, they wanted to get me out of there to get me away from all the germs that float through any hospital. I did not argue.

Thank God that one of my sisters had (or manufactured) the opportunity to come and spend some time with me. I have no idea what I would have done without her. I was so sure I could take care of myself when I got home. Boy was I ever wrong! She has been invaluable. Thank, Sis!!!

So it has now been 3 weeks. I feel guilty that I waited such a short time for my lungs after going on the list (25 days) and that I am doing so well when I know other transplant patients are not. I’m walking on my own, doing more and more every day. Yesterday was my second visit to the clinic this week for follow-ups. They are more than pleased over the rapid recovery that is going on.

I know I am blessed. The timing alone should convince anyone of that. The rapid recovery is another blessing. I so look forward to the day when I won’t need to cause so much disruption in the lives of others.

My heart and prayers are with the family on the loss of the generous donor. I will never be able to express the full gratitude that I feel for the gift they gave to me. I haven’t quite come to grips with all that has happened, but there is no doubt that my profound gratitude runs true and deep.

My family, my friends, and all of you are certainly a huge part of this. Your support and your ongoing prayers and well wishes have meant so much. You have sustained me through it all and I am living proof that prayers work and I humbly ask you to continue to pray for the long road I still have ahead of me. Thanks to you all, thank you to God, and thank you to some pretty amazing doctors.

And I have to especially thank my wonderful husband. He has been right there with me step-by-step for the whole past year of struggles. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that he saved my life. I would not even have lived the last year. I would have never sought out the treatment that he pushed me to get. And I most definitely would have never even considered the transplant if not for his love and encouragement. He started the ball rolling that has now brought me to the day that I no longer have to wear oxygen and after the 25th of this month there should be no more breathing treatments. I’ve worn the oxygen so long that it took them several days to convince me I could take it off. Instead they finally just turned it off without telling me until I took the cannula off on my own. This day would have never happened without the other half of my heart. He gave me a second birthday and us a second chance at life.

Now… I know you have heard this before, but I kept ending up in the hospital. We really are getting close on “Michael”. Barring any new issues or problems with the new lungs, it should be out in a very short time. Thank you all for waiting so patiently and hanging in there with me.

Until later, have a great day and Happy Reading!


Posted in Just Stuff | 12 Comments »

We Are Expecting!

Posted by Raeann Blake (Author) on December 31, 2013

Happy-New-YearIt’s official and I can now announce that we are expecting…new lungs at some future date.

I thought hard about the pro’s and con’s. And then I thought back over the battles that John and I have waged for the last year. There have been many. I would have never made it this far without him and he has been much stronger than I through it all. I cannot give up on him now.

I also went back to Mamma and Daddy and talked to them for a while. I sure wish they had phones in Heaven. But I know what they would tell me. They raised four strong girls and they didn’t raise a single one of them to be a quitter. I figure if I started now that Daddy would reach down and thump me on the head for even thinking about it.

So with all that said, I am at peace with any possible requirements and procedures. I am now officially listed on the transplant list. What a great way to start the new year.

Thank you all so much for your well wishes and prayers. They have meant so much to me and will continue to do so in the battles to come. Happy New Year to each of you. Have a safe one and remember, if you drink don’t drive. If you drive, don’t drink. We want you all right back here tomorrow.

Happy Reading! ~ Raeann

Posted in Just Stuff | 8 Comments »

Quality of Life vs…

Posted by Raeann Blake (Author) on December 30, 2013

Questions-to-Ask-Hiring-an-Offshore-Call-Center-Services-ProviderWell it has been a while, hasn’t it? Since I was last here the days have been filled with some hospital time, some time feeling not so great, and some feeling okay. I’ve worked some on the books as has my editor who is currently working on ‘Michael’ (coming real soon). I have reached the point where I can no longer work up to my own personal standards in a full-time capacity and have been forced to reduce the number of hours I spend working at the day job. The passing time has not been easy as you could guess from my conspicuous absence from Facebook, Twitter, and this blog.

As most of you know, I’ve also been through some very extensive testing for evaluation of my suitability for a lung transplant. Thankfully I am nearing the end of that process and have been approved to be placed on the list although I would be considered a high-risk candidate and rejected by most transplant facilities. Which brings me to a question that I have asked myself several times since all of this started but have never felt as deeply as I do with the decision I face now. When does the quality of life outweigh the quantity of time you have left to spend with those you love? Knowing that there is no guarantee of another day with or without the transplant makes it even more difficult to answer that question.

Depending on the final tests, I may require the permanent placement of a feeding tube to be put on the transplant list. One of the earlier tests showed an issue with reflux up to the point that it could reach the juncture with the windpipe and thereby run the risk of food and/or acid seeping into the lungs and cause either damage or aspiration. I personally think their initial test provided a false result, but who knows. The first of the last two tests came back normal. The other test is not until Jan. 9th and 10th. But, in the meantime, I have to make a decision whether I will or will not agree to the placement of the tube if it is deemed by them to be medically necessary. If I say ‘yes’, I am on the list. If I say ‘no’, I am not. On the surface it sounds like a no-brainer. Of course I will accept it. Well…hang on a minute.

Let’s think about this. While a transplant is my best chance of living more than one or two more years, it is not a guarantee. I may not make it out of the operating room. I may reject the lungs in one day, one week, one month. And while I absolutely LOATHE dragging this oxygen tubing around behind me 24/7 and would enjoy nothing more than chopping it into tiny pieces, I would be swapping that for not only managing the anti-rejection medication, but also a myriad of procedures and rules that transplant patients must adhere to. But, if the tube is needed, then I’m also adding all of those pieces required to “feed” and hydrate myself several times a day and make sure I carry all the supplies around for that wherever I go. Looking at it from that perspective, the oxygen tubing doesn’t seem to be so evil after all. It’s at least six of one or half-dozen of another. Or to put it another way, damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

And what about the food? This means nothing by mouth…EVER. Fried chicken with white gravy. Steaks. Hamburgers. McRibs! Burritos and tacos. Black-eyed peas and cornbread with fresh tomatoes and corn on the cob. Homemade stew. Pecan pie. Ice cream. And let’s not forget…sweet tea and coffee. Holidays must be fun smelling all those wonderful smells and watching the “mouth eaters” feast while you slink away with your little can of food and a syringe. You get the picture…or at least the picture in my brain.

So what is the answer? Is it worth it knowing that it comes with no guarantee of more time knowing that the high risk of complications could actually cost you time?

I do not know. I just know I have to make a choice. I could choose to accept it and then not need it, but I can’t count on that. If I say ‘yes’ then I have to be willing to stand behind that decision, regardless of the consequences. I just don’t know.

Posted in Books, Just Stuff, The Seven Brothers of Elko | 9 Comments »

Week One of Testing Done

Posted by Raeann Blake (Author) on October 13, 2013

Just after the heart cath.

Just after the heart cath.

Just wanted to drop a really quick note to let everybody know that I am still kicking. Made it through all 20 of the appointments this past week for the transplant evaluation. I had one more scheduled for this week but they have added a few more based on some of the results found this week. Everything is pretty much normal. They just want to make sure. They’ve pretty much declared me as being disgustingly healthy other than the whole can’t breathe thing and that I’m still underweight. But… I am up to 105!!!!!!  Yippee!!!! Only 5 more pounds to go to meet my goal of 110.

I know this is short and sweet. It has been an extremely exhausting week. Up at 4:00-4:30 every morning to be on the road by 5:00-5:30 in order to make it over the UT Southwest in Dallas for the first appointment of the morning every single day. And they were not short days. I’ll be back with more later.

Until then… Happy Reading and have a great week.


Posted in Just Stuff | 5 Comments »

Good Riddance to September

Posted by Raeann Blake (Author) on October 5, 2013

mri-cartoonI, for one, will not miss you. Most of it was spent on the couch unable to walk much at all. Only a few steps would shoot my heart rate into the 130’s, blood pressure into the 160’s/110’s and O2 saturation down to 85. Just typing anything took studied concentration and a truck load of patience (something I’m still struggling with). All rehab had to stop. I left the house only for doctor appointments. I lost back all the weight I had worked so hard to gain. And the panic attacks came back in a big way. That was depressing enough, but having to sit back and watch everybody else go about their daily lives as normal when I couldn’t was even worse.

And now, one medication change and one week later, here I am. Still struggling with the typing, but walking and talking (at the same time even). I’ve been to Wally World to ride around on their nifty little scooter while I shopped. I walked all the way back to the car unassisted and did just fine. We went to Mickey D’s where I ate an entirely unhealthy lunch that was SOOOOO good. And we finished it up at CVS to pick up a prescription and get my flu shot where I walked in, out and around without help except for John carrying the concentrator for me so I wouldn’t have to carry the heavy little sucker. The appetite is back so maybe I can gain that weight back. And I feel GREAT….today. We will see what tomorrow brings.

I will admit that I am definitely NOT looking forward to next week. I have 20 appointments next week for the evaluation testing for placement on the lung transplant list. There are 2 that concern me. If any of you know me you know I am extremely claustrophobic. I really would appreciate everybody sending me plenty of prayers around lunchtime and a little after on Monday because that’s when they do the MRI and it’s not an open-air one. And I wouldn’t say no to a few more on Friday around the same time when they’re doing a heart cath. It will not be a pleasant week for me and thereby not for John, poor guy.

On another good note, I’m almost through with my first self-edit for Michael. One more quick skim through it after that and it will be off to Sharon while I work on the cover then get started on Tommy.

Thanks to everyone who has bought any of my books. You all really lift my spirits with your comments and reviews here and on Goodreads, Facebook, and Amazon. I LOVE MY READERS!!!

I hope you all have a super happy weekend. Grab a book and cuddle up somewhere. Happy Reading!


Posted in Books, Just Stuff, The Seven Brothers of Elko | Tagged: , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

See…I knew that was a train!

Posted by Raeann Blake (Author) on September 5, 2013

tunneIn fulfillment of my promise that I would most surely complain during this journey, here I am. On my last visit to UT Southwestern, we were given a little hope, a little tiny beam of light at the end of the tunnel. It was called Endoscopic Bronchial Lung Volume Reduction. To make a long story short, they wanted to go in via the throat and use a sealant to seal off the worst damaged areas which would then die back and give the remaining parts of the lungs room to expand. No incision, couple of days in the hospital and in about 3 months I would be rocking and rolling. Well…we went back again yesterday and found out whoever predicted that the light at the end of the tunnel was often an oncoming train was right. I am not a candidate for this. First my FEV1 is 17% and it needs to be over 20%. The damage to my lungs is too diffuse rather than concentrated more in the upper lobes as it would need to be. To do that surgery would actually make me worse. So the only option I have is the transplant.

Sometime within the next few weeks, I will be running back and forth from the west side of Fort Worth to UT Southwestern in Dallas every day for 6-7 days straight for a whole myriad of tests. Everything from colonoscopy, to heart cath, tests and scans for brain, liver, lungs, kidneys, bones, and heart. The list they gave me is heart catheterization, echocardiogram, head MRI, EEG, skin tests for TB and skin cancer, Mammograms, bone density scan, etc., etc. I also have to see a cardiologist, transplant surgeon, neurologist (brain and nerve specialist), pulmonary specialist, gastroenterologist, nephrologist (kidney specialist), and dietician. And if that’s not enough then along comes a social worker to do a psychosocial assessment to assess my ability to comply with a complex medical regime as well as my social support during the  immediate transplant period and for a minimal of four to six weeks after the transplant. And THEN they get to decide if it is indicated that a psychologist/psychiatrist should also be consulted to help them further assess my needs. As if by then ANYBODY wouldn’t need a psychiatrist. How many points do you think I would get taken off for the “and the horse you rode in on too” remark that I’m bound to make before we are through?

Then and only then will they compile all that information (assuming they didn’t find something that is prohibitive like any kind of cancer) and present it to the “Selection Committee” who has the power to deem whether or not I am an appropriate transplant candidate. Only then can I go on the transplant list and we would wait for somebody who is a donor that is approximately my size with good lungs and blood type which could happen in days, weeks, months, or years.

And if this all comes to pass then I would be in the hospital for 2 weeks, have to go to the hospital 2 x week for a month, then 1 x a time for month, then I think he said 2 x a month for a while then once a month for a year. Off work for 4 months so worry about the bills. Worry about rejection and anti-rejection medication for life. His assessment of my life expectancy if we do nothing: 3 years. Average life expectancy after a transplant: 6 years.

Oh…and I have to gain 10 pounds and tone up the muscles in my legs.

Now for those who know me, they will already know this. I am extremely claustrophobic and I have control issues (I guess that’s what you’d call it) to the point that if you ever tie my arms down you better damn well be gone when they turn me loose and hide very, very well for the rest of your life. Now think about this surgery. I will have to be on a ventilator…which is the one thing I have listed in my advanced directives that I do not want. When I’m on the vent, they’re going to tie my hands down. They might fix my body, but my mind will never be the same.

Just shoot me now!

Posted in Just Stuff | 2 Comments »